Can a boss also be a friend?
Dear e-COACH,
Is it okay for a Supervisor to be close personal friends with two of the people she is supervising? I have been taught that a Supervisor cannot do this and be unbiased on decisions made for promotions, etc. This friendship is like spending all time after work together, car pool together, lunch and breaks together, spending week-ends together, etc. The supervisor and employee are both female. They are unprofessional at work and seem to have everything but work on their mind. Maybe I have been taught wrong can you clear this up for me?
Dear Taught,
Thirty years ago it was believed that management principles such as following the "chain of command," maintaining a professional distance and adhering to specific codes of dress and demeanor were important to the authority and effectiveness of the Supervisor and, ultimately, the organization. By now, many organizations have abandoned these principles for a much more casual workplace in which we are often encouraged to make decisions in teams, make friends with our employees, wear comfortable, casual clothes and carry ourselves with the same deportment we would at home or at the mall - in other words none. How things evolved to this point and whether that is a good thing is debatable. (Don't get me started!)
The principles of years ago (many of which originate from military models) were developed for a variety of reasons: to maintain order, consistency, respect and fairness in an organization, and to guard against the failings of human nature that might lead us to lose sight of the mission. In 2002, it seems we are more concerned with the rights of the individual than our obligations to the department, the organization or the country. It has become quite acceptable to put our needs (to behave the way we want) above those of the company.
Here is the problem, as it relates to cross-level friendships at work: As far as I know, human nature has not changed much over the years. If you report to me and I foster a close personal relationship with you, a number of difficulties can arise. How can I make an objective judgment about your performance? Can I give you honest feedback without adversely affecting our friendship? If I value our friendship more than my job (not uncommon), will I be inclined to overlook your negative qualities? Could I discipline you or terminate your employment if necessary for the company? I don't think it's possible for people to be very close friends at work and remain objective. I believe that in order for a Supervisor / Manager to make unbiased judgments and decisions about their employees, they need to be friendly but not friends.
You have not been "taught wrong." Even in the ultra casual work environments that I visit as a consultant, it is not acceptable to waste company time on personal pursuits and to allow friendships to create bias. You didn't ask for advice, so I won't offer any. But in case the Supervisor is reading this, I offer a comment for her: Indulging in your personal needs is affecting your professional reputation. I provide career coaching almost every day for people who have been fired for much less. Just a thought.
Now, readers, I have a question for you. What do you think about relaxed dress and conduct codes in the casual workplace?
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