You can change yourself!
Dear e-COACH,
I like the work I do and I start out my day with good intentions of getting along with everyone. By noon I am frustrated with co-workers and customers who are rude, incompetent, demanding, indecisive, etc. I go home feeling lousy about my day. Why are these people like this and how do I get them to change?
Dear Feeling Lousy,
The people you have described are, no doubt, difficult to deal with. However, and stop me if you've heard this before, you can not change them - the only one you can change is yourself.
You have complete control over how you think about people; how you respond to them; how much you allow yourself to become upset by them. We all prefer some people or personality traits over others. If you can accept this fact, you will lower your expectations of having perfect interactions with everyone. Lowering these expectations may result in less frustration for you.
A variety of personalities exists in every organization. It is not the personalities that create your frustration. It is your inability to tolerate them. You can change that. Here are my ideas for you:
- Try to see the different personalities as "interesting" or "different" rather than wrong. Expect that some people will be unreasonable, demanding, etc. This will lessen your surprise when they are.
- Think more about helping them to feel good rather than about how they might be offending you.
- Take a moment several times a day to be thankful for the good things in your life, starting with your job.
- Breathe deeply and reflect on the good parts of your day.
- Feel compassion for people, rather than judging them too harshly.
- Make it a new habit to be the positive one in your office.
Your question reminds me of the story about the little girl who's Dad drove her to school every day, shaking his fist behind every car and yelling at all the "idiots" on the road. Then one day, Mommy drove her to school. After about 10 mins in the car, the little girl asked her bewildered mother, "Mommy, where are all the 'idiots' today?" If you get this joke, you will understand what you need to do.
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